Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Today I Visit Pre-Debt Me


Come with me, dear readers, back, back into the depths of time, to the faraway year of 1999...

(((((Wavy time travel effect)))))

Me: Hey.

Pre-Debt Me: Who are you? You look familiar.

Me: I'm you. From 2007.

Pre-Debt Me: Where's your chin?

Me: In my neck somewhere.

Pre-Debt Me: 2007? Are there flying cars?

Me: No. Still no flying cars.

Pre-Debt Me: Son of a bitch!

Me: I know. Listen, I came here to warn you off some rocky times ahead.

Pre-Debt Me: Like what?

Me: Oh, nothing much...a horrific bout with clinical depression, falling down the job ladder and hitting every rung with your head, buying and selling two vehicles (for easily less than 1/4 what you paid for them), complete loss of your confidence...Shall I go on?

Pre-Debt Me: Sheesh.

Me: Here's what you do right now. Take those credit cards, your glorious, balance-free credit cards, and flush them immediately down the toilet. Buy every personal finance book you can. When "blogs" start getting big on the internets, read every finance blog you can find. Invest in Google! Start a video site called YouTube and have videos of skateboarders falling on their nuts and kittens falling into jars! Save, save like you're saving right now, but KEEP saving --

Pre-Debt Me: Dude, dude, slow up. What language are you talking? What is that, Mandarin?

Me: I can't change the past, can I? I'm not going to go back to 2007 and have everything be changed for the better, with Bianca coming in from playing tennis and she's all fabulous and in neat slacks like Marty McFly's mom?

Pre-Debt Me: You mean Bianca doesn't dump your ass? Maybe you're luckier than you think. Anyways, I'm going to atribute this to a flashback brought on by eating too many McRibs.

Me: Yeeeeahhhh...you might want to start laying off the McRibs...

Pre-Debt Me: They're only around for a limited time, dumbass!

Me: (sighs)

Pre-Debt Me: How'd you get so tubby, anyway?

Me: I started eating my feelings. Then there was a "feelings buffet," and I kept coming back for another plate.

Pre-Debt Me: I really become broke, huh? You mean I'm not going to continue driving this shiny new truck and having a fabulous job forever?

Me: Sorry.

Pre-Debt Me: How about the penis? We get any help down there?

Me: Nope. Same size.

Pre-Debt Me: Son of a bitch!

Me: Well, I have to get back to my debt-ridden life.

Pre-Debt Me: Sayonara. Before you go, let me ask you something very important.

Me: Shoot.

Pre-Debt Me: Are there McRibs in the future?

((((Wavy time travel effect)))

1 comment:

V. said...

Basil, your posts are too funny. You will be out of debt before you know it.