Upon double checking my statements online, I noticed that a 0% balance transfer had been misapplied as 9.9%. One of the statements showed all sorts of corrections and additions and subtractions, and they were named strange things like FUND READJ FRONT END FEE MALJUS TW 769EEHJ.I called the company.
"What's the deal on all these corrections?" I asked.
"We misapplied a transfer rate. It's been corrected," the woman said.
"I see it's been corrected."
"Of course we apologize for any inconvenience," she said.
I was trying to hold my phone to my ear and urinate at the same time. I had been on hold for 21 minutes and the woman had come on just as I had begun to use the bathroom. "So...you make a mistake, I get an apology - but I make a mistake and I get 29.9%?"
"Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?"
I had a vision in my head, being fresh from a viewing of the latest Harry Potter film. In it there are beings called Dementors, which suck the life out of you, your very soul trailing like vapor into their mouths. This is what it feels like, I thought. Talking to this woman, who thanks to the wonders of globalization is sitting in a room full of other women, women who speak English better than I do, somewhere in Ajjampura, India - I truly felt my soul being sucked out and into the pinprick-sized mouthpiece of my cell phone.
Gah. I've gotten so used to not speaking to these "account specialists," that it pains me when I have to do so.
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