Monday, July 30, 2007

Sex At $3 A Pop, Or, The Price Of STD And Pregnancy Protection

While Bianca and I were at the Rite Aid looking for aloe for my third-degree sunburn, she went off one aisle and I lingered down another. I came across the condom aisle and began looking them over. Something I had never noticed before was that in addition to the "large" size (including the popular "Magnum"), there is now an XL. This was news to me. I thought the upper end of the scale was the Magnum. Leviathans lurk in the waters of the masses, I thought.

That was until I reached the Extra Large Durex XXL's. My goodness. The box proclaimed "Extra large for big time pleasure." But I was in for another surprise as my eyes played over the colorful boxes.

I scanned the prices, finding the normal discrepancies between the Mercedes and Kia comparable brands...until I reached the "sheepskins." Holy colona. While a mid-range box of 12 condoms will run you $12.99, a box of 12 sheepskins, or "sheepies" as I immediately nicknamed them, will cost you - get this - $39! I had to know more about these extravagant contraceptives, and before I knew it I had my notebook out and was jotting down the words "pricey sheepies" in it (what - you don't carry a notebook for times such as these?).

Apparently, sheepskins are only good for pregnancy protection. They won't do you a bit of good if you find yourself sharing a room where the only furniture is a mattress with a towel over it and there's someone taking your money (But who would use a $3 condom in a situation like that? Then again, you're probably not thinking frugality at that point). Sheepskins are worn mostly because they apparently feel more natural.

The kicker for me was this: sheepskins are not actually made of sheep skin - they're made from lamb intestines.

I've got to stay out of the Rite Aid - too many rabbit holes to tumble down.


Anonymous said...

*sigh* There is another reason to use the sheepies... allergies. From working in a lab, I've developed a nasty anaphlaxis reaction to latex. Those sheepies gross me out, so i stick to Avanti, the polyurethane ones. About the same price, and they do protect against diseases.

I *sigh* because it's depressing how much i have to pay to use them. Kinda like that old Seinfeld episode... "is he Sponge-worthy?"

Basil Bizarro said...

Allergies! Didn't even think about that angle...

Interesting! I once had a nasty allergic reaction to spermicide that led me to getting examined for an STD (I didn't know what was causing the pain (dear God, the pain!)). Long story short, for the guys out there - you do NOT want to get tested for an STD.

bandick said...

For that kind of money, it'd be cheaper to have the kid!

D.R. said...

Sheepies, that's great! nice post.